What does a man on an affair mean when he says he wants to take a break from all relationships?
Most of the time, the people I talk to are part of a married couple dealing with infidelity. Every once in a while, however, someone who is actively having an affair (or trying to prevent it from ending) will reach out because they need help uncovering someone’s motivations or thought process. For example, perhaps a husband is trying to break up an affair and the other woman does not buy or understand his reasoning.
She could explain a situation like, “I had an affair with a man I adored for over seven months. I know this is a cliché, but I really believed that he was going to leave his wife for me. I really did. I think I he loved. He seemed very interested in our relationship and was racing forward until his wife unexpectedly found out about us. After that, it all fell apart. I guess his wife didn’t take it too well and somehow his oldest son found out and he got really upset. For a while, he tried to reconcile with his wife and told me to stay away. I don’t know how it was between them because he didn’t want to take my calls. But I can only assume that it didn’t. It didn’t go as expected because last week He called me back. I was really excited. We went out to dinner and I thought it was going well. I thought we would end up going back to my house and that it would be one thing to take someone else. But when I suggested that to him, he told me that he had decided that I needed to take a break of the relationship s for a while. I literally laughed at that because he never rejected anything physical from me. He said he was going to take sex out of the equation with all women for a while. This is just not like him, so I thought he must be fine with his wife and that he is sexually happy in marriage. But if that’s the case, why dine with me? Since then, he stopped taking my calls again and one of my friends said she saw him with his family. I almost wish he had never called me. I don’t understand the purpose of that. Why would a man want to be celibate? Is lying to me? “
I have no idea if he’s lying. It seems pretty clear that you may be struggling a bit with how to move on with your life. But, in light of the fact that he had no physical relationship with you once the affair was over, it DOES seem like he’s actually trying to move on regardless. This may or may not include trying to save your marriage. And frankly, that’s your business. Everyone can understand that a parent wants to support their family after their child gets angry, understandably. We have no way of knowing what the wife wants, but again, that is nobody’s business but her or the family.
The truth is, married men will say or claim all kinds of things to end an affair in the cleanest and least painful way possible. I have no idea if he’s celibate or not, but he seemed to use it in part as a justification for breaking things up and hinting at himself of a physical or sexual relationship, which tells you that he’s being honest about the relationship that ended and his change. your attention to your family. I know it’s painful, but I don’t think you can blame him for wanting this.
Don’t you deserve a relationship where the other person can have a full relationship with you, that shouldn’t be hidden or based on guilt? Don’t you want a relationship where the man is free and happy to have a physical relationship and doesn’t claim to be celibate?
This man may feel the need to take a break from romantic relationships or even sex, but that’s just one more sign that everyone might consider moving on. There seems to be very little reward here and all kinds of pain. I admit that I am biased, but it seems to me that the best and obvious thing would be to wish him well, but to let him go. Do whatever healing is necessary for you and for your own life. Give yourself time to focus on your own healing and what you want, need, and deserve. And next time, find a man who is free to be completely yours, emotionally, legally, and physically. Everyone deserves a full relationship, not one that should be hidden or based on deception, double talk, and pain.