Understand the value of non-sexual intimacy

Sexuality has to do with our emotions and how we feel loved in our relationships with others. Although sex is often described in terms of eroticism, many people also seek emotional rewards. Sexual activity can make us feel emotionally close to a lover. When children grow up within a family, they have a sense of connection with those around us. They need their parents to take care of them and take an interest in them. As adults, when we love another, that sense of emotional connection has to be generated from scratch.

It is often claimed that women are more emotional than men. But this is due to the debilitating effect emotions have on women’s ability to act. Everyone has emotions, but the sexes express their feelings in different ways. Most women cry when they are upset, angry, or frustrated. Male responses tend to goad a man into aggressive action. Feminine responses are considered weak or effeminate and are therefore frowned upon in a man.

Men can live very happily in functional environments devoid of emotional attachments. Men focus on doing physical activities. But the life of women is centered on their relationships. Most women want to talk and share their lives with the people they care about. This is one of the reasons why women are often less motivated to work in paid employment than men.

Men talk about work, women and sports. The women talk about fashion, shopping, relationships and family. Men speak for strategic reasons. Men meet to network, create business opportunities and contacts, and obtain information. Of course, some women do this too, but most women get together for emotional reasons. They seek reassurance from others, comfort and support. Men do not relate to this form of communication.

For women, communicating their feelings comes very naturally when they are intimate with someone. But men’s instincts prevent them from showing weakness and thus opening themselves up to attack. Many men dislike or are unable to talk about emotions. Men are often uncomfortable sharing their feelings. This is an instinctive need to compete with other men.

Men tend to put work priorities before the demands of a relationship. In the eyes of women, this is not love. Love for a woman means wanting to spend every moment with someone. But women accept the different priorities of men because of the need to support the family. For men, work represents a means of competing with other men for status, as well as a means of attracting a woman (because of her ability to support a family). A man feels justified in working all day or all week before showing up at home and hoping his wife is willing to have sex. A man’s emotional needs are satisfied in a few minutes. Men mistakenly assume that by satisfying their own sexual needs, they have also satisfied a woman’s emotional needs.

Sex may not be the only reason men seek relationships with women, but it is the key reason. Men’s sexual desire focuses their minds on getting opportunities to have sex. Given men’s complaints about low frequency of intercourse, sex is not as important to women. Men rarely appreciate that women may be motivated to offer sex in exchange for genuine affection.

Men taking on the role of women is simple. The women just need to spread their legs and let the men do the rest. Reproductive risk means that sex is a much more emotional experience for a woman than it is for a man. Women want autonomy over their own bodies. It’s about personal privacy because women don’t get turned on by a lover. Men find this hard to understand because their responsiveness means they want a lover who will stimulate them.

Sexual pleasure implies an exchange, but not the mutual exchange that men suppose. A woman only has the reward of giving pleasure. This reward is related to a woman who feels appreciated. As long as they have regular sex, men rarely complain that their partners don’t love them. Men also don’t want displays of affection like flowers. A man needs to make a woman feel that he cares about her personally, which takes much more than a few minutes.

A woman’s emotional needs are generally not appreciated by men because they are so much more subtle than the obvious male sexual desire. Women are more concerned with nonsexual intimacy, which develops when couples spend time together. Women seek communication and support, as well as the opportunity to share conversation, humor and friendship. Women expect to enjoy loving company. When a woman gets the emotional rewards she needs (based on affectionate companionship), she is often willing to satisfy a man’s sexual needs by offering him sex.

When a woman is in love, she enjoys the emotional sensations of dancing with a lover. Male arousal prevents men from appreciating these more romantic aspects of attraction. Women naturally respond with affection (hugs and kisses) when they love someone. Men translate any show of affection into a sexual invitation. Women come to resent this if a man is not loving. Sex acts as a barometer in relationships because as long as a woman feels loved and appreciated, she can offer a man the sex she needs.

If a person isn’t ready to embrace their partner’s genuine needs and desires, then they shouldn’t be in a relationship. People have to understand and be willing to provide what their partner needs most in their relationship. (Stephan Labossiere 2012)