To spank or not to spank: that is the question

Like most parents, I struggled with the spanking dilemma when my first child was born. I read a lot of material on the subject and even took parenting classes together with my wife. We were both motivated by a desire to do what was best for our son. After all that, we were still torn between the two schools of thought on the punishment of children. Should I hit or not? The answer was not easy and my wife and I decided that it should be a personal decision for both of us.

I considered many things when making my decision. On the one hand, there are those who affirm that spanking is a temporary and unsatisfactory measure to alter a child’s behavior that seriously affects her self-esteem and personal growth. On the other hand, there were the traditional and religious arguments that say things like ‘forgive the rod and pamper the child’. Not a few people on the spanking side believe that any parent who doesn’t spank them is a coward who goes against the natural order of things. They claim that spanking helps to break a child’s will and make him more obedient.

There were always stories in the media about extreme cases of spanking or corporal punishment causing a child to be injured or even killed. In almost all cases, the parents were obsessed with the idea that the children were bad, wicked, or simply disobedient by nature. I couldn’t imagine myself or my wife taking spanking to that kind of physical extreme, but hearing about those incidents reminded me of my own childhood experiences of being spanked.

I have been told that it is unwise to use your own youthful trials and tribulations as a consideration or deciding factor in how you will raise and raise your children. Despite that unwritten rule, I couldn’t help but remember what spanking meant to me. It didn’t happen very often, but I got hit a few times and those experiences were memorable. The first spanking I can remember happened when I was in first grade. We had a substitute teacher on one occasion who, for some reason, really hated me.

The teacher kept yelling my name all day. She said that I was talking or doing something wrong and that was not true. In fact, I was the quiet kid who barely spoke a word all day and never got in trouble with anyone. Despite my objections, he called my mother on the phone and told her her version of my misbehavior of hers that school day. My mother believed her and she decided to correct my actions with a spanking.

When I got home, he made me pull my pants down to my bare bottom. After I leaned over a bench, she proceeded to spank me in a very painful way that brought me to tears. I remember that incident as if it happened yesterday. She didn’t make me have low self esteem because I didn’t do anything to deserve the spanking. It caused me great physical and emotional pain, and a lot of shame. He had no brothers or sisters and was very shy. I didn’t like taking my clothes off for anyone, including my parents.

My mom wasn’t in the mood to hear my side of the story, but I decided I needed to hear it anyway. After telling her my side of things, she dragged me over to the school to see if the substitute was still there. My mother made it clear to me that if she was lying, another spanking was coming in my immediate future.

The substitute was still in my classroom finishing some paperwork when my mother and I walked in. She smiled and put on a real show for my mom. She stuck to her story about my behavior and was the most convincing liar I have ever met in my life. As we walked out the classroom door, I could already feel the fear of pain and shame that my next spanking would bring. Instead, God delivered an angel to rescue me in the form of a classmate named Maureen.

Maureen was quiet and I always thought she was a lot like me. On the day of the caning incident, she was sitting near the school entrance with her mother. They were waiting for someone to pick them up. As I walked past Maureen, he could see that she was upset. I was very surprised when she spoke and asked if she was alright. Once my mom realized she was a classmate, we stopped briefly so my mom, Maureen, and her mom could exchange greetings. During those brief moments I told my classmate what happened.

Maureen was stunned and told my mom that I never talked in class and confirmed that the surrogate had been watching my case all day. My mother looked surprised, but she saw the honesty in my classmate’s account of what really happened that day, and she believed her. She knew my mother well enough to know that she wasn’t going to get any apologies. She was happy to have avoided another beating. She called the school the next day to file a complaint against the substitute. She was of no use, but my regular teacher was upset when she found out about the whole adventure and that substitute was never used for her class again.

I can attest to the fact that my spanking experience was traumatic and left me unable to trust anyone, including my mother. I wasn’t better off for it in any way, shape, or form. After considering all the information I have read and my own experiences, I decided that I would not spank my children. My wife came to the same conclusion on her own. I still believe that the decision to spank or not is a personal one and should always be left to the discretion of the parent(s). My children have grown into responsible adults and I couldn’t be happy with the way they turned out and did without being spanked.