My husband left me, how should I act with him?

I often hear of wives who are emotionally devastated after their husband has left them. But, for strategic reasons, they are not sure if they should show you this reality. Many ask me if they should try to tone down their emotions or portray themselves in a certain way to increase the chances that he will return home so they can get him back or save their marriage.

I heard from a wife who said “my husband left me. There was no real warning. I knew we were having some problems with our marriage, but never, in my wildest dreams, did I think I would get this far. I came home.” from work to find a note on the kitchen table saying that he thought we should live apart for now to evaluate our marriage and our lives. I’m devastated. I’m sad. And I’m mad at him for doing this to us. But I’m not sure how to act. I’m afraid to show him how angry and scared I really am. I feel like I have to be careful who or what to show him right now. How should a wife act after her husband leaves? especially when she wants him back? “

For me, the keywords in that last question are “when she wants it back.” Because if you don’t care if you see him again or if you’re still married to him, then it doesn’t really matter how you act. You could act the way you want based on your feelings without worrying about the repercussions.

But if you want him back and your marriage is still very important to you, then the way you act or react can be very important and can make the outcome different. So if you still want to save your marriage, I will offer you my opinion on what I think is the best way to go. This is based on my own experience, my research, and all the stories and experiences I hear on my blog.

Know that if your husband is trying to get your attention by leaving, ignoring him completely is probably not in your best interest: Many times, a husband leaves because he doesn’t know what else to do. Often the two of you keep going around and around with the same old problems and problems, but you are not making much progress. Very often, instead of continuing to talk but getting nowhere, the husband leaves in exasperation or in an attempt to get her attention.

But many wives will try to restore power to them because they don’t want to give their husbands the satisfaction of seeing them get angry. They will then act like they don’t care or will try to ignore the situation. But knowing that you are trying to get their attention, ask yourself if this is really the best decision or if it is going to create an even bigger problem.

In my opinion and experience, there is always a middle ground. Of course you don’t want to go to either extreme. You don’t want to show yourself as desolate and unable to cope. But at the same time, you don’t want to act like you don’t care when nothing is further from the truth.

Finding the middle ground – setting him up so you have the best chance of him coming home to save your marriage: I know it’s hard not to get carried away by emotions. You have your pride. You have your fear. And you may have your resentments and misunderstandings.

But if you’re going to make progress so that you can eventually bring it home and save your marriage, you’ll often have to put those things aside and focus on coming to the table in a spirit of cooperation. It’s true that you probably made a hasty and selfish decision that has probably hurt you deeply. But you can’t insist on that because doing so does nothing to help your marriage or move forward.

Behaviors you want him to see after he leaves: Now that I’ve talked about how you are trying to get their attention and you should, as part of your strategy, come to the table in a spirit of cooperation, let’s talk about what that looks like in real life.

The wife knew that the husband would eventually contact her because they had business deals that would have to be discussed. So when she did, she might say “Needless to say, I’m disappointed that you’re gone. I was shocked and devastated when I got home. But right now, what’s more important is that we move on. Obviously, there are some things that are bothering you or you wouldn’t have left. I haven’t been one hundred percent happy either. So now that the decision has been made, maybe we can both use this time to assess what we really want and think about how we could help each other. mutually to get what we both want. “

I hope you see the attitude that I am going to adopt here. In the dialogue above, the wife was able to tell the husband that she was hurt and disappointed, but she did not stop at that, nor did she break down and beg him to come back. But she made it clear that she wanted to work with him to find a way that they could both be happy. And when you can set it up so that you are working with your husband rather than against him, you will be much closer to the right path.

You also matter: I have emphasized that you should make it clear that you still care about your husband and want to make him happy. But at the same time, you matter too. It shouldn’t just be about what you want and what you’re thinking about. Make it very clear that you are using this time to consider what makes you happy. You should be wondering (at least a little bit) how you are spending your time. And every time you are together or talk, you should give the impression that you are coping, that you are reflecting on your own desires, and that you are focused on making your life a happy life. Make sure you are upbeat and easy to be around. This ensures that your husband wants to see more of you so that he has an ongoing foundation to build on.

Sometimes when I discuss this with wives, they say they feel like they have to act a certain way. I guess that’s one way of looking at it. But I chose to think of it this way. You are showing him the best of yourself. You are allowing him to see the woman he fell in love with and remember you at your best so that he misses you, wonders if he was wrong to leave, and finally wants to come back.