Knowing how to stop negative self-talk makes it easier to recover from grief
You and I can become our worst enemies while grieving. The negatives are all we see and the future looks black and bleak. Worse still, we wonder if we will survive such a tragedy. Before we know it, negative self-talk has become automatic. Unfortunately, this talk alters your perception and is life changing.
I fell into negative self-talk after losing four members of my family, including my daughter, in 2007. Despite the uncertainties in my life, one thing was certain: self-talk is harmful. So I had an internal conversation with myself about my recent thinking.
It started with the assurance that I know a lot about grievance because I have experienced it before. Thanks to accumulated birthdays (I’m 70), I have good coping skills. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness; rather, it is a sign of self-awareness. During my complaint journey, I can practice a skill I learned years ago, turning negative thoughts into positive ones.
Negative self-talk can see every corner of your life. According to an untitled article on the New Health Partnerships website, “If you think you can’t do something…you may not even try.” The article divides negative speech into groups: Overgeneralizing, Guessing, Focusing on the negative/Ignoring the positive, Blaming oneself or others, All or nothing. [Thinking], extension and customization. These categories are based on the work of David Burns, MD, author of “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.”
According to Burns, negative thinking is the result of self-critical self-talk. We can turn off this dialogue, he continues, acknowledging negative thoughts, understanding their causes and “talking back” to them. Looking back now, I think a lot of my self-talk came from fatigue. I was not only grieving, I was grieving for four people and the legal guardian of my twin grandsons.
Mayo Clinic addresses negative self-talk in a website article, “Positive Thinking: Reduce Stress by Eliminating Negative Self-Talk.” Automatic thoughts can be negative or positive, explains Mayo. Some internal dialogue stems from logic and reason, but others stem from misconceptions or misinformation. As I discovered during my complaint journey, it takes effort and focus to control personal thoughts.
Are you mired in negative self-talk? If so, it’s time to take action. The New Health Partnerships website offers these tips to change your mindset.
- Identify the negative thought. Write it down or say it out loud.
- Rate the truth of this thought on a scale of 1 to 10.
- Compare thought with reality and rate the truth on a scale of 1 to 10.
- Repeat your original negative thought. “You may no longer find distorted thinking so true.”
- Become our best friend.
I learned how to change my thoughts from negative to positive long before I read this article. The instant a negative thought came into my mind, I countered it with a positive one. For example, when I thought that I would not survive multiple losses, I said to myself, “I am a strong person and I will get through this.”
Developing this skill takes time and practice, but it’s worth all the effort. Your recovery will be easier and may even be faster. Here is the positive self-talk and happiness that awaits you!
Copyright 2012 by Harriet Hodgson