The psychology behind the cougar dating phenomenon
There are obvious questions and typical myths surrounding the dating phenomenon between older women and younger men. Here is a partial list:
Q: Isn’t it just about sex? And don’t cougars just want a young man to have fun and play with?
Do not! Many people think of Stiffler’s mother in American Pie or Mrs. Robinson from The Graduate and assume that cougars are desperate, aged women willing to pounce on any younger man with a pulse. There is a lot more to this dating dynamic than people realize. It’s not just about sex, and yes, I know a lot of May / December couples who are happily married. Cougar women are actually much more selective about their younger man and this means that younger men must have more to bring to the party than just a raging libido. Younger men are driving this trend. There are more young men seeking older women than older women seeking younger men. So, it’s the women’s choice.
Q: Is Cougar here to stay?
Yes. It has always existed and is very popular in Europe. In the United States, 30% of older women date younger men. The BBC says that 25% of older women are married to younger men. From a physiological perspective, it makes sense for an older woman to prefer a younger man. From a psychological imprinting perspective, I have interviewed thousands of men who have specific defining moments in their lives when they knew they were attracted to older women and preferred them to women their own age.
Q: Why don’t these younger men go after women their age?
Younger men tell me that women their age are boring, manipulative, playful, self-centered, and shallow. They are drawn to the depth, maturity, and spirit of the older woman.
Q: What happens when men turn 35 and their Puma is 50 or 60 or older? Aren’t the younger men leaving?
20 years of psychological research specific to psychosexual imprinting focuses on how younger men imprint themselves on older women. An imprint is a very powerful psychological phenomenon that is a lifelong bond. Her babysitter, school teacher, mom’s best friend, actresses, and other older women caused an imprint formation that instantly linked them to an attraction to older women. Even as these men age, they continue to seek out women older than themselves. For that reason, men over 40 are considered Cubs and refuse to date women their age or younger. This explains why a man in his 30s can marry a woman 20 years older than him and, once again, single, wishes to seek out, date, and marry another older woman. Not all Cubs are male in their 20s, and as I always tell my members, ‘There is a lid for every pot.’
Q: So is there more to this cougar dating trend than the general public knows?
The ‘experts’ in the media and pop culture have jumped on the bandwagon that they really know very little about this dynamic. They want to narrowly define this demographic of people and capitalize and sensationalize it for profit, notoriety, and to sell their “self-published” books. People I have interviewed who have lived this lifestyle for many years are opposed to this bias by people without credentials who offer a cursory overview of their otherwise very intricate lives. I do my best to make things clear.