Human Design: Double Bonds, Soulmates, and War

The themes of what I write generally come from my own life and what I notice around me. In recent years, I have noticed that many people question their relationships and walk away from some that outsiders had previously viewed as solid and stable. Our evolving genes are giving us a greater awareness that allows us to move out of the old wounded state and into the new paradigm of being ourselves. Living as we really are is an incredibly liberating concept. So many “therapies” are trying to teach us to be more than we are, unlimited or enlightened. When we live the truth of who we are, that is all we need. The lighting comes naturally.

Human Design is a very important and timely part of this paradigm shift. By allowing ourselves to be ourselves, we need to live and embody two simple notions. The first is not to take anything personally and the second is not to make judgments about others. The more we understand about our own and other people’s designs, we learn that we have come up with gifts that make us who we are. We may be grateful for our own gifts and believe that other people should strive for similar gifts – teachers trying to teach others their gift, for example – but that may not be that person’s purpose on this planet.

So, with some of these thoughts in mind, I’ve been watching the way we negotiate with each other. I see the kids at school compete with each other and it’s not always friendly. They always try to be better than others in what they say and do. “Is my photo better than his?” “Is my Lego model better?” “Is my writing better?” “Can I read better?” My answer is always: “They are all good and this is not a competition.” The school teaches people to compete. The schools themselves are constantly competing with other schools to maintain funding. This makes them accept kids who are more likely to give them test scores that will keep them on the leaderboards. What about those naturally talented kids who aren’t classic academics? There were so many talented children in our homeschooled group that they would not have survived the wrath of a teacher or the pressure of homework.

I heard a discussion on the radio about the competition. The main argument to support it was that “this is a competitive world and children need to grow up to be able to live in it.” My mission is to be part of a growing movement to make this world a loving and peaceful place to live and that means setting goals and standards of my own and not having to compete with others. Knowing our own personal gifts gives us our own direction and our own success without comparing ourselves to anyone else.

To face the competition, we must learn to negotiate successfully. No relationship can be successful without reasonable negotiation. Children learn in school that they have to be better, smarter, more capable; most talented have to win at all costs. They are not told what might happen if they lose, but it is clear that it is not desirable in our society to be a “loser.” There is something much deeper that underlies our need to succeed and this is a survival instinct. It is something so deeply existential and probably so ancient. Your cellular memory will give us reason to believe that we can die if we don’t win.

More than 70% of us start life as twins. We choose to enter with another soul. Along the way, usually at an early point in our gestation, one of the twins decides not to stay. It may be because there is not enough food for two developing babies, or perhaps one soul made an agreement to help the other and not stay. Whatever the reason, most births that begin as twins do not end with a twin birth. This creates a variety of different dynamics that both souls have chosen to deal with in this or another lifetime.

Double bonds are one of the dynamics that comes from the birth of twins. If you were a twin who needed a soulmate to help you come here and that little soul left, would you think it was your fault? Is it possible that you feel deprived without your twin and find it very difficult to make a decision about anything in your life from then on? Having two options – if I do this I lose or if I do that I lose – it’s called a double bind. Imagine a pair of fetuses in the same womb. If I die, I lose, and if I am born and win, I lose my soul mate, my best friend, the other half of who I am. What would be your choice? People who have had to make this decision in the womb find that they are making these kinds of decisions throughout their lives. I have also met people who are so afraid of losing that they will do anything to win. I have wondered if that is because perhaps they have been the ‘lost’ twin a few times and in this lifetime they have decided to be the surviving twin at all costs. These people make negotiation impossible, their fight for survival is very strong, and often the other party does not understand the logic of the winner’s strategy.

I have dealt with my own twin dynamic and now see many others dealing with this issue all the time. People looking for their soulmates are really looking for the person they thought they should incarnate with. What we are doing is finding someone who has the same wound, who is also looking for their soul mate, so the initial attraction is very powerful. We believe we have found that lost twin, the soul that should have survived and will make this dilemma disappear. After the initial period of bliss, we find that we have problems to deal with and the “no room for two in the same womb” pattern repeats.

If we choose to work things out, explore and understand the dynamics, then the relationship can become a true partnership. Although perhaps less intense, the relationship is more real. Some people yearn for the intensity of that best friend, twin feeling, and they move from one relationship or friendship to another. When you have had your eyes open to this dynamic, you will be able to see it when you meet a new friend who thinks he has “found” you and makes an instant bond with you. So they want your full loyalty and they want to be able to give it to you. Then when they see that you are impartial and that you do not judge and you do not reach their level of intensity, they feel betrayed. In the meantime, he has done nothing except not get carried away. If you are the “twin” type and haven’t addressed your own issues around this, chances are you’re drawn to the need and intensity of this type of relationship, whether it’s friends or potential partners.

Betrayal is a typical pattern of twin dynamics. People with these patterns expect you to be totally loyal. You may recognize someone as your twin, but you may not feel the same way. Then you feel disappointed. This pattern will repeat over and over again until you do something to change it. Business and personal partners, friends and acquaintances will always disappoint you.

Imagine these dynamics in more than 70% of the world’s population; the need to win, the feelings of betrayal, the need for revenge and to win at all costs. Aren’t all these recipes for war? Greed can also be seen as a twin dynamic. Maybe there was only enough food for one fetus. Perhaps the fetus that departed repeated this pattern many times. The need for food is so great that when that soul finally survives a pregnancy, all it can think about is getting enough. Greed is the driving force. Today we see greed in all the negative aspects of power-hungry leaders. Mass death is a by-product of their greed, as wars generate billions. So creating another war is just a profitable exercise. Perhaps the idea of ​​perpetrating death is just a form of revenge, a place many of them feel familiar with while losing their own fight for survival. In this life they will make sure to win at all costs.

So what can we do to overcome the negative game of this enormous need to survive? Can we go out and tell everyone they need to deal with their twin dynamic? Certainly one way would be to deal with it ourselves and know that the reason this is coming up in a big way in our life is that it’s time to deal with it. According to the law of the “hundredth monkey”, it only takes a few of us to change the whole world; So never think that what you do is not enough Everything matters. We are all enough.

Another way is to understand and live our design. That way we feel comfortable with the body we have, with ourselves. We know our purpose on this planet and there is no need to compete with others. We have nothing to prove. We don’t even need say what we say – it all depends on the state of mind we are in at that moment. We do not need to feel pressure, mental or physical stress. Whenever we find ourselves in a difficult negotiation, a double bind, a win / lose situation or a betrayal, we can be alerted to the fact that this is not who we are. This is a very old pattern; we survived then and we will survive now and we no longer need to be in this dynamic. The secret to a double bind is that there really is nothing you can do but understand the pattern and name it. “This is a double bind …” Then wait. Forgive yourself for being the surviving twin. Take a look at your own body, feeling grounded and centered in it. Perhaps you denied your own body because your lost twin was denied one. You may feel disconnected from your heart. If it weren’t, you couldn’t bear the pain of loss. If you listen to that heart you will learn that the twin you miss so much is leaving it; You even made a pact that they would accompany you for a small part of the trip but forgot that agreement. And are they still with you in spirit, caring for you, guiding you?

So when you meet your soulmate and become entangled in the “twin dynamics” of the double bind, you will be able to find yourself and differentiate yourself. You will begin to see how suffocating it is to be so codependent on each other, and you will appreciate the space that differentiating allows each of you. You are not afraid of being away from each other’s company; they no longer finish sentences for each other; You no longer feel betrayed by the other when they find someone else to “twin” with. Instead, they are free to see the unique qualities of others.

Do nothing and wait for the miracle to happen. Be patient. I have used this strategy over and over and it works. The miracle happens all the time.

Phylipa Dinnen

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life and don’t allow the noise of other people’s opinions to drown out your own inner voice. Most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. Somehow I already know what you really want to become. “ Steve Jobs