Troubled Three: The Challenges of Living with a Three-Year-Old

November 11, 2022 0 Comments

Last night, when I got back from work, I cooked dinner as usual. I brought my three-year-old daughter’s dinner into the living room and stopped in my tracks. There was a mound of dirt on the coffee table and Rebecca was sitting across from it, drawing paths in the dirt.

“REBECA!” I yelled. “Where did you get that dirt?”

“From the fireplace,” he said calmly.

Later, he offered to help me with the dishes. Halfway through the pile, she nonchalantly started pouring water on the ground. Then when we tried to clean, she screamed inconsolably that the rag was too big. He wanted a particular rag.

Is my son psychotic? you ask. No. She’s just a three year old girl.

Everyone has heard of the terrible twos, but I contend that the turbulent threes are ten times worse. From whining to screaming to creative destruction, I have to be on my toes 24 hours a day.

Other mothers agree. “All the horror stories I heard about two-year-olds were nothing compared to what I’m going through right now,” says twenty-five-year-old Karen, a young mother. “Have you ever tried to tell a three year old that it’s time to go and he can’t finish watching her favorite show?”

Nancy agrees. “Or that she can’t wear a plaid shirt with striped pants.”

More than one mother of older children I spoke with smiled and murmured, “I remember three.”

If I were to choose one word to describe a typical three-year-old, it would be “active.” (My husband comments that he would choose the word “hurricane”). From the age of two, children are always on the move, but as they reach three years of age, coordination improves and they have more freedom of movement. They are continually eager to explore the world around them. The three-year-old can run, climb, dance, and jump, and doesn’t seem to be able to keep up with the pace at which he is eagerly trying to go. They are excited to learn new things and are more independent, struggling to dress themselves, brush their teeth, or retrieve their own drinks. Life is fascinating and challenging.

On one occasion, I asked Rebecca to close her eyes and go to sleep. “I don’t want to close my eyes. I want to keep them open!” she protested. The three-year-old wants to absorb all the novelties and wonders around him as quickly as possible. He is often heard asking who? where? when? why?

The three-year-old boy likes to be together. They want to include others in almost everything they do. They have elaborate fantasies and enjoy listening to and telling stories. Some have imaginary playmates. They are learning to play with other children, but most of all they enjoy being with their mother. This can go so far as to insist on getting the mother’s full attention for extended periods of time.

The three-year-old has a distorted perception of time. “I tried to explain to my son that we would be back in less than an hour, but that was beyond his understanding,” says Nancy. She is absolutely right. A child of this age does not understand time and can be heard saying “last week” or “last year” for yesterday. It’s hard for a three-year-old to wait in line or wait long for what he wants.

Keeping up with them requires unlimited energy and patience, especially since the three-year-old is still learning how to control anger and aggression. Parents will be tested to the point of reaction, and it is important not to reward this type of behavior. One mother suggests sending the toddler to the tantrum corner, where she can stomp as long as she wants, but she has to wait until she leaves the room. This takes the fun out of trying to provoke a reaction.

It is around the age of three and a half that the real challenges begin. It is a turbulent and convulsive age where the main concern of a child is to strengthen his will. He seems to rebel against what his parents want from him. He really isn’t your enemy. He is undergoing tests of will because that is his job at this age, and for no other reason. It’s easy to get carried away with anger and be reactive. Say yes whenever you can and save no for when you mean it. At any age, when a child is trying to rebel, a good rule of thumb is to try hard to catch the child doing something nice. The three-year-old loves praise for new achievements. “Look what I can do!” they emit

Although communication skills are improving, they are still imperfect. Approximately 75-80% of his speech is understandable. They enjoy repeating words and sounds, such as nursery rhymes or songs like “London Bridge” or “Old MacDonald Had a Farm.” They also like to hear the same stories told over and over again, and can recite the words of some picture books.

Moments when its exact meaning is not communicated can create frustration and tantrums. A tantrum can be thought of as a blown emotional fuse caused by frustration overload. It can be downright scary for a child. All children are individuals, and some are more reactive than others and more prone to violent outbursts. A screaming child is frustrated because he is trying and still not succeeding. His efforts are to be applauded. When a child is out of control, hold him gently but firmly. Distract her and sign her up for a different activity. Encourage her to help with household chores. Keep in mind that a three-year-old’s attention span is about three minutes. Above all, stay in control of your own emotions.

It is important to choose your battles. Know what your own expectations and limits are. For some mothers, having a child pick up after her is a top priority. For others, battles are reserved for things like getting out on time, taking a shower, or going to bed. Some days there seems to be nothing but turbulence, and to add fuel to the fire, well-meaning friends and relatives often pass judgment and are sure they have all the answers, especially those without children. Parents of children with a quiet or calm personality are quick to judge parents of more active and strong-willed children. Remember that no one knows your child like you do. All children are individuals, and there is no expert in the world who has dealt with all the problems or all the personalities.

Learn to trust yourself more than anyone else in the world. The age of three can be difficult and exhausting, but it is only a stage and once it passes, a beautiful butterfly will emerge.

It’s late and I’ve worked all day at my day job. I’ve done the housework, I’ve tried to shower Rebecca with attention, but like a typical three-year-old, she keeps asking for more. We have built blocks, made brownies, colored, read stories. Now I’m sitting in front of the computer trying to give myself something out of my day.

“Mommy,” she calls.

“Rebecca, mommy is working.”

“Can you read me one more story?”

“Yeah, but that’s it,” I agree and stop to read one more story.

I’m back on the computer and she calls, “MOM!!”

“What do you want now?” I say, hearing the roughness in my own voice.

“I can’t find my blanket.” I take a deep breath and locate the security blanket. I sit in front of the computer, only to be called back.

“Rebecca, that’s enough. It’s time to settle down.” I’m out of patience and it shows. There is a silence and then a small voice.

“I love you,” he tells me, leaving me breathless.

“I love you too,” I reply softly. The exhaustion she suddenly feels goes unnoticed, and the battles of the day are forgotten. This time and its struggles will be lost in a heartbeat and I know it because I am also the mother of a teenage girl. “How about one more story?” I ask.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *