Should I take a break from dating?

May 21, 2022 0 Comments

Sometimes we need a break from dating. A “pause” is a break in something that normally has continuity. You may have heard this term in conjunction with TV shows: “The show is on hiatus until filming begins for the next season.” That means the cast and crew will be taking a break until work starts up again.

the brick wall
So how do you know it’s time to consider taking a break from dating? It’s when you’ve been dating for many months or years and still don’t seem to be any closer to meeting the right person than when you started. It’s when you’ve been dating a succession of people but nothing substantial develops with any of them. Are you starting to feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall? You will feel better if you just decide to STOP.

You got yourself in a rut. You keep the same things to meet new people, but every relationship ends and goes nowhere. You are starting to get so frustrated that it is affecting your relationships with family and friends. You are moody and negative most of the time. You are losing hope of finding someone to love and you become cynical and sarcastic about your future. Instead of moving forward, you’re going to plummet.

Before you let this mood deteriorate into full-blown depression, there’s one thing you can do to change it: take a break! If you’re on a losing streak and it keeps getting worse instead of better, then do what any smart coach does for a player in that situation. Get out of the game for a while.

break the pattern
When what you’ve been doing just isn’t working, it’s time to stop, break the pattern, and do something different. If you are falling into a state of misery and frustration, this may be the time when you feel unhappy enough to consider doing some personal growth and spiritual work. Sad but true, most of us don’t take steps to change until the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same.

This is the time when you are most motivated to find a connection with God, Spirit, Higher Power, or whatever you call the invisible force that created our world. This is the time when you are most open to learning a new way of thinking and a new set of principles to believe and live by that will put you out of your misery and put you back in charge of your life.

If this is how you feel today, do not beat yourself up for not having found the love relationship you want so much. Even the best boxer in the world sometimes has to go down before he can get back up and start fighting again. Give yourself a break and take a break from the dating scene.

pausing
Once you make up your mind and decide that you will take a break from dating, you will immediately start to feel a little better. That’s because you’ve taken back control of your life and stopped looking for someone else to make you feel good. The next time a well-meaning friend asks you who you’re dating, you don’t have to feel like a loser or a second-class citizen because you’re on your own. You can just say, “Oh, I’m on hiatus right now. I’ve decided not to date for a while.” It is a choice you have made, not an unwanted situation you find yourself in. You are in control and you feel better!

Now is the time to take that class you’ve been wanting to take, start going to church, find a therapist, counselor, or support group. Read a book or two on spiritual principles, study the Bible or other scriptures that interest you. Go back to your religious roots or explore a different philosophy that intrigues you. Try a yoga, meditation, or dance class. Take the hours and hours you used to spend online on dating sites and invest them in yourself.

Before I met my husband, I took a two-year hiatus and did exactly what I suggest you do. That’s why I know it works. What a relief it was to get out of the mentality of most singles: “look, look, always look.” I took out my “singles antenna” which was always on the lookout for any man who might be a possibility. I stopped making decisions about whether to go to an event based on how many single men might be there. I accepted my single status and enjoyed all the good things about it.

making changes
I delved into the universal spiritual principles taught in Unity and Religious Science churches and discovered that it actually had the power to change the way I think and what I believe. I created a whole new life for myself and learned how to be happy and complete as a single person. I let the old feelings of “not good enough” fade away and replaced them with believing and knowing that my happiness didn’t depend on having a partner.

Also, I realized that holding on to past resentments can keep you from attracting good things into your life today. Learning to release bitterness and resentment is a necessary step, but one that many people are unwilling to take. If you’re having a hard time finding and keeping a good partner today, chances are some anger over a past hurt buried within you is part of the cause.

You don’t have to “forgive” and pretend that whatever they did wasn’t wrong, but unless you release those angry feelings and stop paying attention to them, you’ll never break free of their influence. Doing this emotional labor may not be a lot of fun, and you may be annoyed that you have to do it! But if you have the courage, you can find a way and it will make a world of difference in your next relationship. I can swear by that.

When I had the security of knowing that I am enough and that I don’t need anyone else to be happy, I was able to date again and attract a great partner in less than a year. It turns out that the solution to the problem was inside me. Once I released my old resentments and learned to appreciate all the good things in my life, I attracted some really good men into my life. I am now happily married to a man who is a perfect match for me.

This dating pause idea may seem too radical and extreme to you right now. However, the more people you date and the unhappier you feel, the more it starts to make sense to you. If all you do is take a break for a while, but do nothing to make the necessary changes within yourself during that time, then you can’t expect better results when you start dating again. A break in dating only works if you work it!

How long?
How long should it take? There are no hard and fast rules about this. It all depends on how much change and growth you need before you can produce a different result for yourself. My guess would be a minimum of six months to an average of several years.

Sound impossible to you right now? If you can’t stand the thought of not dating for six months, then you’re in a precarious state of mind, depending too much on being in a relationship to feel good. A break from dating might be just what you need, but you may not be ready to accept it just yet. It requires patience and the determination to keep going for as long as it takes. In our instant gratification, quick fix culture, people don’t like to hear this, but it’s the truth.

Let these ideas sink and roll in your subconscious for a while. Few people will jump happily after reading this and yell, “Yeah, I’m taking a break from dating tomorrow!” Give it some time, and when the time is right for you (or when you’re unhappy and frustrated enough), you’ll know. When done with the right motivation, a break from dating coupled with some personal growth work can be your ticket to a better future. You’ll be back in the dating game with a real chance to win next time.

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