My husband wants a divorce, but he still wants to have sex
This question is more common than you think. When couples are in crisis or are in conversations about taking a break, separating, or getting divorced, emotions can rise and doubt can arise. Affection, attraction, and love can still burn beneath the surface even if a couple is going through difficult times. All of this is understandable, but sex between divorcing or separating couples can be very difficult and confusing for both parties.
In these situations, it is very common for one person (in this case the husband) to want to separate while the wife wants to save the marriage. Therefore, continuing to be intimate with someone with one foot out of the door can be heartbreaking and can send very mixed signals. On the one hand, the husband tells the wife that he wants to end the relationship. On the other hand, his sexual desire and intimacy is saying something completely different: that he is attracted and wants to be close to her. This article will discuss what to think and what to do when your husband wants a divorce but is still trying or wanting to be intimate through sex or intercourse.
What to consider or do when you are getting divorced and your husband still wants to be intimate: First, you need to define how you feel about this divorce. If you really want to save your marriage or are still in love with your husband, having sex with him may seem like a way to bring him closer to you. This certainly makes sense. It is true that it is a good sign that your husband still finds you attractive and desirable. However, it is not fair to either of us that these mixed signals occur. If you are really going through with the divorce, then it is not fair for you to play with your emotions and take advantage of them.
Ask your husband if his desire for intimacy is due to his inability to let go or if there is still love, affection and desire that he is trying to return. Do you think the relationship can be salvaged because if he doesn’t (or at least isn’t open to exploring this), is it unacceptable to expect you to be intimate with him and then just turn around and walk away? both want.
Sex versus intimacy. Letting go versus trying to see if the spark is still there: Sometimes it can also be important to understand the context in which the request for sex took place. Sometimes it is included in the context of “one more for the old days,” as a way of letting go. Sometimes it is an attempt to see if any spark remains. Sometimes it’s just the way a man gets something for free.
It is important that you assess the situation and understand what is happening here. This will differ depending on the couple, the people, and the circumstances involved. Of course, how to move forward will always be your choice. But understand that in healthy relationships, intimacy should be something shared between two consenting adults with clear intentions. If you both understand what sex means and agree with it, there may be no problem as long as you are comfortable and clear. However, this is rarely the case.
Most of the time, the wife feels compelled to allow sex as a way of trying to hold on to the marriage, and the husband’s intentions may be different. Or the husband is not sure if he really wants a divorce and is trying to see if the passion is still there. Speak up and ask what is really going on, especially if sex makes you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or if you feel like it takes away your power. Your husband can’t respect you if you don’t.
Start an honest conversation with your husband and tell him that you still love him and want to be intimate and that you are happy that he still finds you attractive. However, reiterate that it is not fair to ask you this when you are getting divorced. Ask him if the intimate feelings that are emerging mean there is still a spark and if he would be willing to work on the marriage. Sometimes her desire for sex can be a good sign, as it shows that she still has intimate feelings for you.
However, the true intimate give and take of an adult is not possible in this situation with a divorce hanging over your head. Instead of just giving in and giving up your power (and then feeling resentful), use this as a starting point for an open conversation about how you both feel about saving or ending your marriage.