Limburger attitude

I don’t like the morning, it starts too early. Yesterday morning was worse than most and started badly from the beginning. I always know it will be a lousy day when I start getting out of bed. I have had bronchitis for over a week and to make matters worse, I woke up with a migraine the size of Hoboken, NJ. He was more grumpy than a seaside restaurant.

My hand had been operated on and I was taking pain relievers that left me lethargic, so I just wanted to relax, watch reruns of Gilligan’s Island and old movies. But right in the middle of “It’s a Wonderful Life”, my television died. (Merry Christmas, Bedford Falls!) I don’t know what went wrong, but it may have had something to do with the flames that shot from behind like 4th of July fireworks.

Do you know how boring and frustrating it is to be in a bad mood, tired and ill but not have a television as a distraction? I had to put up with my own company. That’s as much fun as spending the day in a phone booth with a Pitt Bull that has PMS.

I decided to make Christmas cookies, but that effort did not go well. The first bowl of dough was dripping more than my nose. The second batch was as sticky as gum used on a hot sidewalk, and I burned the third batch blacker than a greasy monkey’s fingernails. No wonder he hates cooking. After three failures, I gave up and vowed never to touch an oven mitt again. I think I’ll become a commercial cook, cooking only what can be heated in the microwave during TV commercials.

I grabbed the jug of juice and slammed it against the counter. The bottom exploded like an overcooked Johnsonville brat. A geyser of juice and broken glass sprayed the cabinets and floors. After cleaning that up, I went to the study and slid across the room on a pile of dog vomit, staining it all over the carpet. Another mess to clean up.

The last straw was when I went to the pharmacy for antibiotics. When the pharmacist told me it would cost $ 60 for three days, I was madder than a constipated rattlesnake. And like a rattlesnake, it wanted to bite someone. I didn’t have that much money on me, so I had to go without the pills.

When I got home, I was stomping around complaining about everything that was bothering me. Being more irritable than a giraffe with strep throat, I couldn’t think of a single thing that wouldn’t bother me.

Coincidentally, while listening to the radio, I heard a country song titled “I Hate Everything.” My feelings exactly!

Then I remembered a funny story about a boy who played a prank on his grandfather. While the old man slept, his grandson wiped his mustache with Limburger cheese. When Grandpa woke up, he complained that the room smelled bad. When he entered a different room, that one smelled the same way. Finally, he went out to get away from the smell, but followed it. Grandpa exclaimed, “The whole world sucks!”

Yesterday, even with no Limburger cheese on my face, I felt like everyone sucked.

Of course, I know that this kind of thinking results from focusing on the negative and not seeing the positive. When I do that, I say things like “always”, “never” or “all”. For example, “EVERYONE else has a better life than me.” Or “Things NEVER work out for me.” And “Why do bad things ALWAYS happen to me?” I know very well that not everyone has a better life. Bad things don’t always just happen to me, but yesterday, it sure seemed that way. When I have a “Limburger attitude” and feel like everyone smells bad, I need to challenge my false self-talk and adjust my “stinky thinking.”

I can’t control my circumstances but I can control my attitude. Reversing a Limburger attitude requires developing an attitude of gratitude. When I feel like everything is wrong and the world sucks, I need to stop and make a conscious effort to focus on the positive. I think of the good things that I can be thankful for. At least I can be thankful that I woke up this morning. (Well, maybe there are some days when that doesn’t SEEM like such a positive thing.)

When I count my blessings, I feel bad about the way I cry and feel sorry for myself. I have much more than many others. I have a lot to be thankful for and nothing to complain about.

Negative self-talk may make me feel like everyone sucks, but positive thinking is just as powerful. Practicing gratitude often changes my perspective. A Limburger attitude can turn into an attitude of gratitude.