How to survive the death of a spouse – 8 tips
Talking about death and loss is difficult; however, both are facts of life that haunt us all. When a spouse passes away, the pain can be more excruciating because something within you also dies. So the fight to survive and eventually thrive again becomes a daily battle. It is like peeling an onion. You work through layers of things to get back to a sense of normalcy. Finally, the pain subsides.
This article shares several of my discoveries. Hope it sheds some light to help you deal with a dark season.
8 tips
1. Do it your way.
Do you remember I Did It My Way by Frank Sinatra? Well I think the song applies because you have to do what works for you. For example, when I feel crowded and pressured, my stress level increases. At first, I knew that this situation would force me to be surrounded by many people who unintentionally say the wrong things and ask many questions, some inappropriate. So, I broke tradition. On the day of my husband’s funeral I did not ride the funeral wagons. And I got to the church just in time to line up at the front of the procession.
As usual, later that day people came to the house. Once again, when I started to feel locked in, I left the scene. I changed my clothes, retired to the backyard, and played basketball until the wee hours of the morning. Observers kept saying, “She thinks this is the NBA.” Aside from having fun, I released a lot of tension and got a good night’s sleep. The next day I felt like a million dollars.
Between the pastor, my father, and the funeral director, I don’t know who said to let her do this her way. Emotions run high and even though people care and try to help, you end up being pushed in different directions.
For that reason, understand your stages of handling a complaint and know your limitations. The death of a spouse is emotionally draining. Also, when services are over and everyone is going home, you will have to deal with this alone. Do it your way to embrace self-care.
two. Remember the good.
Like any relationship, a marriage goes through good times and bad. However, focus on the coach. They will make you smile and feel better. What you choose to meditate will decrease or increase the pain.
3. Lean on.
Contrary to what many believe, time does not heal; God heals. When the tragedy happened, I knew who would not abandon me. I got saturated in the Word; going to church on Sunday was not enough. Even in the morning he listened to sermons and teaching tapes instead of music. Also, pray. Make it the first thing you do, not the last.
Four. Remove it.
Shout it out. Shout it. Talk it over. Stepping Out. Work it out. Choose your method, but take it out. It is better outside than inside. Emotions build up inside you and build like a volcano waiting to erupt.
5. Laughter is medicine.
Laughter is truly a medicine, and you can never get too much. Laughter makes you feel better and distracts you from your problems. So, collect all your favorite comedies. When you need a lift, put one on the DVD.
6. Don’t get stuck.
If you keep reviewing the past, you are bound to get stuck. Everybody knows that I like music. However, for a long time I stopped listening to jazz. Why? During that time, the music evoked harrowing journeys down memory lane.
7. Look what you say.
As I recall, if someone asked me how I was doing, the answer was brief. It came down to two words, “still standing.” Another favorite was “I’m coming out of this”. I would mention the feeling of heaviness, how uncomfortable it was, and how I wouldn’t wish it on my enemy. However, the overwhelming theme was always that I come out of this.
What is the point? The way you talk seems to affect how long you stay in the rut. Now, at the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing. Connect the dots looking back. Today I realize that I was talking about faith.
During one of my tantrums, I told God to take the pain because it was too much for me. Something happened and discovered the most important revelation. I was putting the care or weight of my situation on Him, and He took it! After releasing me, the burden became lighter. Then one day the heaviness disappeared.
8. Avoid alcohol and drugs.
Finally, avoid alcohol and drugs. Once you go down, you go back to where you started: depressed. Also, you shouldn’t make it a habit every time you hit a losing streak. Seek professional help if you need it.